Weekend Reflections

Here I am sitting alone for the 4th day in a row. Where is my husband? He left for Michigan on Thursday (this is Sunday) to go to a dog show. I wasn't invited. Yes, had to work Thursday and Friday, but it did hurt my feelings a little that he never mentioned the possibility of me going, especially since I do have personal and comp days I can take.

The reason is probably due to the fact that his "dog show" wives were there. And of course they drove a huge RV, so guess who had to cart them around all weekend. I pretend not to care.

My son is in college now, 30 minutes away, and I thought he was going to come to church with me but his phone is turned off so I'm sure he's sleeping. My daughter is at her grandmother's. I am alone. I don't like it, but I am.

My husband will be back late tonight but then he will leave early in the morning to go to Chicago to get cars. I need a hobby. Maybe it's time to write that book I've been holding inside. Maybe that will take my mind off being lonely. Well, I guess I better leave for church. Alone.

Ahhh Vacation, the Unattainable Goal

Vacation was a staple for me when I was growing up. My parents didn't have much money, but we always went somewhere during the summer. So as an adult, I would love to go somewhere, anywhere! However, I cannot get my husband motivated to go anywhere (unless it involves dogs). Just once, I'd love to just go somewhere without dogs and without going to a dog event. I like to do all kinds of things, not just dog stuff. I actually *thought* we might go to Las Vegas next week. He even had me look up vacation deals there. I have never been and would love to go. However, now instead of flying to Vegas he is wanting to go to Chicago to do dog training. And a hotel? Who needs a hotel? We can just stay at his friend's house on a pull out in her dining room. What fun! And lets take all the dogs so that while they are doing "dog stuff" I can be walking, feeding, watering, etc. My kind of vacation! Oh and he said, "we'll just go to Vegas on October when the dog trial is." Boy, oh boy. The trial is not actually in Vegas, but an hour outside of Vegas in the middle of nowhere. With his "dog training" friend and I will add that they completely ignore me when they are together. An affair of the mind. I guess I could just rent a car and hang out in Vegas, they probably wouldn't even notice that I was gone.

I don't even want to go to Chicago AT ALL! But I will. I wish I could stand up for myself. I see other women who act all bitchy all the time and get whatever they want. My husband's best friend has the most unpleasant wife and they go on vacations all the time, basically anywhere she wants to go. Why? Her husband is afraid not to. Sometimes I wish I was more like that instead of being a pushover all the time. Then I might actually get to do something I want to do.

You might be asking yourself why don't I just go somewhere by myself? He goes places by himself all the time. Because the backlash I would experience would not be worth it in the long run. I don't really know what to do here. I guess I will do what I've always done and just go along with whatever. I need to get a doctor to prescribe some "I don't give a shit" pills, then I won't care what happens!

Is It Bad To Not Care Anymore?

My husband is notorious for doing what he wants, when he wants. Seeing who he wants, and pretty much telling me to fuck off if I complain. I'm sure if the foot was on the other foot, he wouldn't be as accommodating as I am. It used to really get me upset, especially when he would go to dog shows (to which I either wasn't invited or at a time when I couldn't get off work) and meet up with this woman. They talk on the phone and text a lot, supposedly about dogs. It is probably just innocent, but it still sticks in the back of my mind that something more could be going on. With that being said, it seems at time passes, I become more lethargic about the whole situation. I won't say that I don't care, per say, what my husband does, but it just doesn't bother me like it used to. This past weekend he went to a dog show that was 14 hours away. Well, there was no way I could take that many days off work, so I stayed home. He was gone for 5 days total. I was completely relaxed while he was gone. I did what I wanted to, I even managed to read an entire book. Am I a bad person for not really caring that he was gone, and with his dog "friend" woman at that? I'm not sure how all this makes me feel.

Cell Phone Talkers

My husband has absolutely no idea why I was so irritated after lunch today. Ummm, maybe it's because he got a phone call (from another woman, mind you) when we were walking into the restaurant. He proceeded to talk the ENTIRE time we were eating. Any paying. And riding home. If I wanted to eat alone, I would have gone alone. Yes, it irritated me that I just had to sit there staring at my plate while he chatted away with another woman (the story of this woman is a blog post for another day). I feel I had every right to be irritated. Unfortunately I had left my phone in the car so I couldn't even browse Facebook while I ate. When I finished my meal considerably sooner than he did (apparently you eat faster when you are not talking), I asked him for his keys so I could go get my phone. This made HIM mad! You talk to someone the whole time we are eating and then get mad at ME because I want to go get my phone instead of me just staring ahead? Grrrrr! To me this is extremely rude behavior. I would not do this to him, although, the next meal we have I may find someone to call.

As I am typing this my husband is talking to one person on our home phone while texting someone else on his cell phone....is there an end to this madness?

MY Truth, That Is

I doubt anyone will even read this blog; it is solely for my purposes. I feel like I have no one to really talk to about my problems and just need to get my feelings out there. This is a diary, of sorts, for my own benefit. If you are reading this, perhaps something you read in here will help you. Maybe it will entertain you. Or maybe it was useless for me to even say that because no one is actually reading this anyway!